DRIVING

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You are cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

SHANKAR DADA MBBS

 Education coming Mind going
 Sitting, eating mountains melting
 Marriage coming Vomiting Coming No Waiting
 Aunty property son-in-law donating
 Rameswaram going Saneswaram not leaving
 Smiling lady crying gent don't believe
 Hands' burning leaves catching
 Ramayan hearing rama sita a relation what
 Jogi Jogi rubbing ash falling
 Crow baby crow kiss
 Gents salary ladies age don't ask
 100 lies tell do one marriage
 For jaundice man all looks green
 Village marriage dogs hurry
 No wife, No stomach son's name Somalingam
 Having gone keeping also gone

THOUGHTS FOR MEN

# Thought 1 #

When we are born, our mother's get the compliments and the flowers.

When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.

When we die, our widows get the life insurance. What do women want to be
liberated from?

# Thought 2 #

The average man's life consists of :

Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,

Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;

and at the end, the mourners wondering too.

# Thought 3 #

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If
You take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was
astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.

Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die."

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around
The corner, barely missing him.

The man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got
married?"


# Thought 4 #

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her
father escorted her down the aisle to give away to groom.

They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her
Father and placed some thing in his hand.

Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by
bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him
To divulge the secret and say something.

So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my
life." Then he raises his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued,
"My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me!!"

The whole audience including priest started laughing but not the poor groom.

Loving Couple

A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man.
"We visited the Grand Canyonand took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by horse.

We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled. My wife quietly said, 'That's once'."

"We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.' "We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

"I started an angry protest over her treatment to the horse, while I was shouting; she looked at me, and quietly said, 'That's once'.

...............and we lived happily ever after."

This is what life is

Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he
got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983.
From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which
conveyed:
"Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"?
To this Arthur Ashe replied: The world over -- 5 crore children start
playing tennis, 50 lakh learn to play tennis, 5 lakh learn professional
tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam, 50 reach
Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals, When I was holding a cup I
never asked GOD "Why me?" And today in pain I should not be asking GOD
"Why me?"
"Happiness keeps u Sweet, Trials keep u Strong, Sorrow keeps u Human,
Failure Keeps u Humble, Success keeps u Glowing, But only God Keeps u
Going.....
Keep Going....

testing is important..?

Why testing is important..?Check this out...
Just type airtel in the internet explorer and press ctrl+enter!!!!

Testing heroes

Prabhas
'Smile Smile Smile Ee Prapancham entho peddadi, Andhulo ee software entho chinnadhi, Andhulo ee bug chala chala chinnadhi, so don't bother about it, Smile Smile Smile'.
Mahesh Babu
'Bug ni chudalanukovacchu - Tappu ledu Rectify Cheyyalanukovaddu - Chacchi Pothav'
Nenu entha chetta tester no naake teliyadu!!
Chiru
'Idhigidhigo bossu .... Maree antha speed aiypomaaku story maaripoddhi...
As Tagore Mana program lo mottam 2500 lines vunnayi Andulo 1250 bugs vunnayi Andulo 750 Runtime bugs ithey migilinavi, 500 bugs compile time bugs.
Mana programlo ekkada choosinaa .BUG!..BUG!..BUG!...ila prathi line lo inni BUGS vunte program ela execute cheyyali Sir!!..inni bugs choosi visugu chendaanu,elagainaaa BUGS rectify cheyyalanukunnanu.....anduke ABF(Anti Bugs Force) ane software tayyaru chesaanu...!..BUGS nu rectify chesaanu!....Nenu chesindhi tappani anipisthe naaku appraisals ivvakkarledu, hikes ivvakkarledu...assalu SALARY ne ivvaddu SIR!!!
PM: Andaru TESTERlu company lo pudataaru..kaani Nuvvu janam lo nunchi puttina TESTER vayya..!!
Balaiah
Nee bugs lo dammenta, nee Code lo pavarenta... Nenu talachukunte kantichooputo bugs ni Srushtistaa
Nee program open chesaa...Andulo BUG petta..!
Nuvvu nijam gaa TESTER aithe ,Niyyabba nuvvu chadivindhi testing concepts ee aithe....BUG kanukkora chooddam! !!
NTR
EE baggulu mottamodata create chesindhi maa taata.....program lo pettindhi maa taata...vaatitho nuvvendhiraa nannu peekedhi!!
Nag 'Oye yetthi kottanante yetlo padadame kadu Surru summaipodhi, Bug Big ayipodhi!!.
Venkatesh
'Ayyo Ayyo Ayyayyo Any Language Any Compiler Any no of Bugs Single Hand -> Ganesh'
Legebrity-Mohan Babu:
The relationship between tester and BUG is like a fish and water ,but not fish and fisherman..!!.....eppudo chinnappudu chaduvukunna chaduvu grammer tappulu vunte manninchu....assalu arthame tappanukunte kshaminchu!!
Pity Star (UdayKiran)
'Chi Chi mee peddolunnarey, Coffee aani, Tea aani, Meetings aani, Savalaksha Karanalu cheppi ma time waste chestaru. Repu udayam padakondu gantalaki ee bug ni solve chesi ma youth power ento chupista'
Now suddenly PowerStar will enter and say :-
'Matter chusthe chinna area, dheentlo pedda chikkulu, Andukey chepthunnanu my dear friend's TESTING -GISTING ane tokkalo panulu pettukuvaddu!!
*Aparichithudu*
*Oka line lo 5 bugs vunte thappa - kadu* *5 lines lo 5 bugs vunte thappa - china thappu * *5 programs lo 5 lines lo 5 bugs Vunte thappu kada - pedda thappe.*

drunker

A man walks into a bar in London and orders 3-glasses of beer and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more. The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time." The man replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai, the other in Canada and I'm here in London. When they left home, we promised that we'll drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there. The man became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn. One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says," I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere condolences on your great loss. " The man looked confused for a moment, then he laughs .... "Oh, no," he, said, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are alive" . " The only thing is ............... I just quit drinking!!!

biharinglish

A bihari school master writes.....School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty two days after the actual date of joining. consequently he was asked for an explanation in writing . . .Deer sur,If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker.This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following reajon, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. I tolded I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun. I putted a complain on station masterji. He said I to! go to the lady clerk.At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun. Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun.Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life. I hope u will look into explain my hole story after, and late me joint first. I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your responsement.May God blast you!"Yours awfully,RAMKHILAWAN YADAV

Happy New Year

Here's a tester wishing New Year to all of you.
May your software be bug free in the coming years!

May we stop bugging you over each line of your code!

May you get on-site opportunities as soon as possible!

May your PL stop assigning you work on Friday evenings!
May your pay be the best among the industry!
May you not learn many more languages in the near future!
May you get flood of mails and forwards from everybody!

And lastly,

May you see a world beyond coding, testing, de-bugging and delivering!

Happy New Year

Hours of happy times with friends and family
Abundant time for relaxation
Prosperity
Plenty of love when you need it the most
Youthful excitement at life's simple pleasures

Nights of restful slumber (you know - don't' worry be happy)
Everything you need
Wishing you love and light

Years and years of good health
Enjoyment and mirth
Angels to watch over you
Remembrances of happy years!

 

Have A Joyous & Momentful Year Ahead. .. .  ..

Fwd: Truly Enthralling Journey

This how it all happened.
We started off around 6.30 AM on Saturday to Vemulawada, a famous SHIVA temple in Telangana 160 Kms away from Hyd and reached there around 9 AM. We had done a special puja there and went to a picnic spot near by called NAMPALLI GUTTA, it is on a rocky hill with little artificial arrangements for attracting visitors. A snake like structure is constructed where in you can pass thru it and find different statues imitating mahishasura vadha, a Brahmin, rawanasura, local tribals etc. it took 40 minutes to see all that and then we started to Karimnagar where I finished my schooling.

I went to APSRTC quarters where we used to live in my child hood, see our flat there in the same condition as we left, looking at the ground we prepared cutting the bushes around; we were the first few people to occupy those quarters as they were being built. So we had to prepare everything by our self. The ground, flag hoisting base for Aug 15th (it is still the same may be they has put some paints)

Then I visited my school to re collect the memories of child hood. Those appreciations from English madam, punishments from the telugu sir, tough Sir’s, supportive teachers. My class where I was first in running out of the class and last while writing social exam; top 10 in English and last one history; My class, My bench…

We passed thru all the class rooms we sat and then remembered our play grounds fun we had there. Nothing was changed except for few modifications. I could still see my self paying volley ball keeping an eye on the girls playing in basket ball court beside. J. Auditorium where we used play small shows, no no, I was not part of them I just used to support them on rehearsals.

After then we went to meet couple of school friends and at 5.30 PM we started off to Jannaram forest camp which was 85 away from Karimnagar. We went thru a high way which used very less these days and found no traffic. It was so exciting for me and scared for others while we watch my speedo meter touching 130 KMPH. There were very less public on road but there we few chicken playing on road one of which was hit by me. MAY ITS SOUL REST IN PEACE.

We stayed in a forest guest house which looks like a booth bangalow in the horror films we see. Single house in thick forest and no light near by. When we came out to take some water in I guess the thermometer would also have freeze that time it was 12 degrees… (we were told that there is 24 hrs water provision later we understood there is a hand bore out side where you can get water round the clock.)
Next day morning I got up horrifying…

New York - Film / Theatrical Trailer - Hindi

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=ACmWzU7m1eQ

kavithvam

Kurise Vanaku teliyadu
tanu varadani…
.
.
.
Merise Merupuku teliyadu
tanu Pidugani…
.
.
.
Urime Mabhu ku teliaydu
tanu Arupani…
.
.
.
Chadive neeku teliyadu
idi SOLLU ani….

Height of Optimism...

Soldier: "Sir, we are surrounded by the enemies",
Major: "Excellent! We can now attack in any direction”!.
==================================
What is the height of mixed emotions???
when ur mother in law falls from 7th floor on ur Mercedes!!!!
==================================
Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.
======================================
bhikari : sahab ek rupiya de do.
Sahab : tumhe sharam nahi aati road par khade hokar bhikh mangte.
Bhikari : abe tere ek rupiye ke liye office kholu kya?
===================================
Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."
====================================
Today a phone without wire is fashion.
One day will come when human without brain will be a fashion.

On that day, my friend, u will Rock..

Rab ne bane di jodi

If some one has to do DDLJ, Mohabbatein, KKHH, K3G, Kal ho naa Ho it is definitely Sharukh Khan…And so is Rab ne bani di jodi…

Ee review rastunte naaku anipinchindi enti ante…asalu ee cinema gurinchi nenem rayagalanu ani…deeniki oka udaharana…monna okka interview lo Shamak Dhawar (Famous Choreographer)cheppadu…SRK ki nenu steps cheppakarledu…atanu ala vestuntadu…avi entha baguntayi ante naa steps nenu marchipotanu ani…I don’t need to direct him…he will direct my thoughts ani…Alane SRK did don this film.

Story line is simple as every know. A girl marries Surendar unexpectedly and when he founds that she is not happy with him he tries to make her happy thru Raj’s character and she falls for him and you know whom she settles with J.

Though the line is easy to say the execution made all the difference and was perfect…and was SRK…He alone can only show variations in two different roles without any jerks. He did perfect justice to both Surendar sahani role and Raj role. His expressions in couple of scenes were amazing. Anushka gave best performance and you don’t believe her to be new to screen…perfectly chosen…

Music by Merchants was good, camera by ravi chandran was too good and Aditya chopra showed his brilliance in the execution…

Couple of scenes I liked:

1. Tani saying to surendar that she has been compared to him from child hood and still behaving decently.
2. When Tani comes to the party with collegues with juices.
3. Where Surendar tries to place the rose on the table and then taking it back.
4. getting struck with the pen drive and laptop when Tani comes to talk to Surendar
5. Where Raj expresses his love to Tani using the lights in the city
6. Complete song of Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai
7. Cameo song Phir Milenge Chalte Chalte using five heroins (Kajol, Bipasha Basu, Rani Mukherjee, Preity Zinta and Lara Dutta) Kajol was cute as Nargis in that song.
8. The slideshow using the honey moon photos with SRK’s voiceover during end-titles rolling.

Though it gives a different feel for few minutes in second half rest of the film is decent…does not bore in any scenes… The positive points are SRK and a sexy heroin Anushka, screenplay and direction by Aditya. Over all ga A must watch film…

Screen play modati suthram: Where DRAMA Begins there LOGIC Ends. Logic cinema ki entha varaku avasaramo antha varake vadadu and it looked nice…ikalu peeki kakulaki vese vallu ee cinema chudakandi…chusi kampu pracharam cheyyoddu ani manavi…

Cost Cutting....... must read

Once a man married to a city girl and there was a huge age difference
between them and they were not what one would call a perfect couple.
They were merely stretching their marriage with no real romance in between them.
They were two very different people. There was a reality dance show
called ABCD - which was the main backdrop of their life story. The show was on
the lines of popular television show, Dance with me . Apparently girl wanted to take part in the dance competition but she couldn't because her husband was old and not hip and happening she feared that if she danced with him, she would lose the show and become the laughing stock among all her friends, who were taking part in the same.
Husband overheard his wife's problem and decided to go in for a
makeover. He then watched some movies and changed his image completely
and came back to the show and put girl off his feet. All the way through the dance competition, girl kept falling in love with this new and improved guy, without once realizing that the man she was dancing with was her real husband......then...........

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- The reality show xxxxxx is nothing but movie "Rab ne bana di jodi" with girl (Anushka Sharma).. n its story behind the movie...Cheers!!!!!!!!!

Now no need to see the movie – cost cutting to save your money from thronging into the theatre…. !

couple of jokes

Disorder in the CourtThese are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need adifferent attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it? ________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ________________________________________________
--- And the best for last: ---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY : I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

what an situation

A Wednesday

I could not watch at its release but some how I managed watch this film yesterday. The concept was little different. The story runs in cheating screenplay (cheating screenplay is a technique where they portrays doing things for one purpose but does it for something else. Good example is - Aithe). A common man (Naseeruddin Shah) demanding commissioner of police (Anupam Kher) to release four terrorists so that he can kill them. For that he plants a bomb in PS opposite to head quarters and threatens that there are six more in city trigged off at 5 pm and if they don’t release the goons.

Naseeruddin Shah donned that role. He was apt. The way he looked cool was very impressive and his working style & dialect was very impressive.

Anupam kher as was good as Police Boss and the way he acts at tough situations gave an idea of how police do behave on certain incidents.

Jimmy Shergil is good with a new avatar as a hot-blooded cop. Aamir Bashir is also good as efficient police office. Deepal Shaw is good as news-hunger journalist.

Story, screenplay and direction are assets of the film. This proves again that a new director with new thoughts can do a good film. When I heard that this is film is based on terrorism I thought there will be couple of blasts but the story is completely different. It is hard to deal this film with out tight screen play and Director Neeraj Pandey has done a good home work which can be observed in every frame. Definitely he has a long way to go industry. Dialogues are realistic. You can relate to our own language at times. . Cinematography, Editing &. Background music are good.

Over all its 4.5/5 marks film and a must watch. One of the best of its Kind. Don’t miss it.

* I never feel good to reveal the story but as the movie is little old and does not give a feel unless you watch it I had.